Write your search in the input below and press enter.
Esc to close.

The Sports Doc Chalk Talk with Dr. Chris Stankovich

Peak Performance:
Not Just for Sports, for Life

  • Products
    • Toolkits
    • Audio
    • Videos
    • Books
    • Apps
  • Services
  • Chalk Talk
    • Recent
    • Athletes
    • Coaching
    • Sports Parenting
    • Sports Administrators
    • Life
    • Administrators
  • About Dr. Stankovich
  • Testimonials
  • Contact
  • Products
    • Toolkits
    • Audio
    • Books
    • Videos
    • Apps
  • Services
  • Chalk Talk
  • About Dr. Stankovich
  • Testimonials
  • Contact

Hello. Sign In

My Account
  • Login
  • Register
0
The Sports Doc Chalk Talk
Subscribe
The Sports Doc Chalk Talk with Dr. Chris Stankovich
  • Recent
  • Athletes
  • Coaching
  • Sports Parenting
  • Life
  • Administrators
Home / Blog / Humiliating Your Child is Not the Way to Sport Success

Humiliating Your Child is Not the Way to Sport Success

By: Dr. Chris Stankovich | @DrStankovich | Jun 05, 2018

No Comments

If you have been around youth sports awhile then there’s a good chance you have personally witnessed a sports parent embarrass, humiliate, or degrade a kid on the field.  In some cases, it’s angry body language, in other instances it’s coarse and abusive yelling and screaming, and in worst-case examples it’s actual physical aggression.  While it’s understandable that some sports parents become emotionally-charged watching their kid make mistakes on the field, humiliating kids is not only a sign of poor parenting, but it’s not very effective in helping kids improve their sport skills, either.  Instead, learn the psychology behind positive sport parenting so that kids can improve their mental health, increase self-confidence, and ultimately play their best.

What’s over the line?

A common psychology question I receive from sports parents relates to acceptable and unacceptable ways to motivate and instruct their kids through the youth sport experience.  What’s OK, and what’s over the line?  Generally speaking, kids, like adults, tend to respond best to people that offer trust, honesty, and respect, while refraining from embarrassment, humiliation, and physical threats.  Regularly saying “good job,” reinforcing effort (even if the results aren’t quite there), and timing your coaching to moments when it will be best received (i.e. not the car right after a tough loss!) are always great ways to parent your child, and will almost always lead to positive results.

When thinking about behaviors over the line, it might be easiest to first examine things that should never happen — physically bullying a child is an obvious first place to start.  Pushing, punching, aggressively grabbing, slapping, and kicking should never be used as methods to help your child improve in sports.  Regarding language, vulgarities, cursing, intimidation, and humiliation should be avoided, as should language that is designed to scare kids or make them feel worthless and insignificant.  Perhaps the easiest way to answer this question might be to think about how you might be best motivated, and what things you would find troubling?

Watch passive-aggressive behavior and hostile body language

Words are not the only way to destroy a kid’s confidence and self-esteem, actions and body language count, too.  Passive-aggressive behaviors are indirect expressions of anger and disgust through subtle insults, stubbornness, or deliberate failure to cooperate.  An example of this type of behavior might be purposely not buying your child a piece of necessary sports equipment, with the intended meaning being that the kid isn’t good enough to deserve having the equipment. 

Body language is another way to send a message (good or bad), and sometimes the body language kids see isn’t very positive.  For example, when parents sit in the stands and display negative body language (i.e. looking disgusted, throwing hands in the air, etc.), the actions can be stronger than words.  Remember, kids often “check in” and look to parents during games to see how they are being viewed, so be sure to steer clear of sending negative messages.

Future implications

Kids who are regularly assaulted by parents through threatening language, threats, and physical abuse run a great risk for future mental health implications, including mood disorders, anxiety, poor self-image and self-esteem, academic challenges, and substance abuse.  In fact, the reality is that the results kids have on the field are of far less consequence than how they are parented, coaches, and supervised by adults running youth sports — most importantly, their parents.  One of the worst things for kids is to feel as though they are failures in the eyes of their parents, and parents who regularly embarrass and humiliate their kids on the field create precisely this kind of feeling.

Final thoughts

While it’s easy to become emotional at youth sporting events, it’s even more important to self-monitor behaviors so that kids can maximize the growth and development opportunities sports provide.  Make it a point to cheer and encourage, while refraining from behaviors that intimidate, humiliate, embarrass, and threaten kids.  Remember, the value of youth sports directly depends on the kind of sports environment parents create — for better or for worse.

drstankovich.com

 

 

behavior, Coaching, fan, parenting, psychology, sport, sports, youth

  • Author
  • Comments
  • Details
Get to Know the Author

Dr. Chris Stankovich

Dr. Stankovich has written/co-written five books, including Positive Transitions for Student Athletes, The ParentsPlaybook, Mind of Steel.

Latest Blog Posts

  • July 6, 2022 Kids Want to Play Sports, But Adults Can Sometimes Make this Difficult
  • June 29, 2022 Don’t Discount the Value of Fun, Unstructured Play for Kids Mental Health
  • June 20, 2022 Sports Parents & Coaches Can Use Youth Sports as a Mental Health Boost for Kids
  • June 15, 2022 Show Kids How Much You Care Before You Teach Them What You Know
  • June 14, 2022 Study Finds Team Sports May be Best for Kids & their Mental Health

PREVIOUS POST

How Can Kids Be Diagnosed ADD — in Elementary School??

NEXT POST

5 Important Facts You Might Not Know About Stress

Category

Amateur , Athletes , Athletic Counseling , Boys Sports , Coaching , Fan Behavior , Girls Sports , Leadership and Role Modeling , Parent Training , Performance Enhancement , Prep , Sport Philosophy , Sport Psychology , Sports Leadership , Sports Parenting , Sports Performance Science , Uncategorized , Youth and Interscholastic Sports , Youth Sports

Tags

behavior, Coaching, fan, parenting, psychology, sport, sports, youth

  • Recent Posts
  • Most Read
  • Kids Want to Play Sports, But Adults Can Sometimes Make this Difficult
  • Don't Discount the Value of Fun, Unstructured Play for Kids Mental Health
  • Sports Parents & Coaches Can Use Youth Sports as a Mental Health Boost for Kids
  • Show Kids How Much You Care Before You Teach Them What You Know
  • Study Finds Team Sports May be Best for Kids & their Mental Health
  • Overcome the Fear of Failure, Improve Mental Toughness, & Experience Success
  • How Much Impact Does a Coach Have on Sports Team Success?
  • Avoid the Dangers of "Whataboutism" for Better Relationships & Improved Mental Health
  • Help Kids Maximize Youth Sports by Using Athletic Transferable Skills
  • Improve Mental Health by Means of Catharsis & Purging Negative Thoughts
  • The Sports Doc on TV

    Catch Dr. Stankovich’s tv, radio, and print interviews and columns here!

    Dr. Chris Stankovich Watch Videos
  • Sport Performance Assessment

    Dr. Chris Stankovich Quickly and accurately test your level of mental toughness in just a few minutes using the Sport Performance Assessment.

    (SPA), an easy-to-use sport psychology system specially designed to help you REACH YOUR FULL ATHLETIC POTENTIAL.

    learn more
  • SportsSuccess360

    Life strategies for performance and character development for coaches, parents, and student athletes competing in youth and interscholastic sports.

    Life Strategies learn more
  • Contact Dr. Stankovich

    1395 Grandview Avenue Suite 6, Columbus OH 43212

    (614) 561-4482
    Media & General Inquiries
    information@drstankovich.com
    Sales & Product Support
    sales@drstankovich.com
  • About Dr. Stankovich

    • Media
    • Blog
    • Testimonials
  • Products

    • Toolkits
    • Videos
    • Books
    • Audio
    • iPhone Apps
  • Services

    • Athlete Performance Training
    • Parent Community Forum
    • Coach Education & Development
    • Athletic Crisis Response and Intervention
    • Drug & Alcohol Assessment
    • Life Success Programs
    • Counseling & Consulting Services
  • Blog
  • YouTube
  • twitter
  • facebook

All rights reserved © 2022 Advanced Human Performance Systems™

↓ ↓