The best youth coaches are the ones who have success both on and off the field with the kids they coach. These coaches not only know enough about the sport they coach to help kids maximize their athletic abilities, but they also happily assume the less formal role of being a great mentor by helping kids learn invaluable athletic transferable skills to succeed in the classroom and all other life experiences. At the heart of great coach-player relationships is the relationship that forms over time, one that requires coaches to build trust and rapport and get to know the kids they coach as people first, athletes second.
Your players don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
The saying above makes a great point when it comes to the building blocks of being a great coach. Before racing in to teaching sport techniques, skills, and strategies, try to first get to know the kids you coach, including their interests, talents & strengths, and future goals. Does this take a little more time, and steal away from time devoted to traditional practice exercises? Yes, but if the goal is to strengthen team dynamics, improve team chemistry, and help kids develop as people, then this is time very well invested.
Building trust
The first step in building trust with kids is to devote yourself to the process. What this means is that you should expect there to be challenges when trying to win kids over to your philosophies and expectations, and realize that not all the kids you coach will be immediately committed to your team. These uncertainties from kids make sense when you consider they don’t know you, don’t know what is going to happen under your guidance, and haven’t yet decided if this is going to be a great investment of their time and energy. This is why building trust with kids needs to be priority #1 for youth coaches.
Tips for building trust with kids
- Listen. People like to be heard and have their opinions respected and validated — including kids. Create opportunities for kids to share their views, and show your appreciation for what they offer – even if you don’t agree. Also, be sure to use open-ended questions whenever possible (i.e. “What ideas do you have for improving the team?”), use direct eye contact, and offer positive, inviting body language that isn’t intimidating.
- Walk the walk. Be sure to commit to the same ideas, philosophies, and rules you set out for the team if you want the kids to buy in to your leadership. For example, if you prohibit coarse language, are you monitoring your own language the same way? Also, if you expect your team to be punctual and ready for all practices and games, do you model this behavior yourself?
- Fairness to all. While it is easy to overlook mistakes star players make, it is important that you enforce rules and consequences the same for all team members, regardless of talent level. Try to get to know the unique differences between your players, but when it comes to upholding rules all players should be accountable to the same set of rules.
- Going to bat for them. If you feel one of your players has been treated unfairly, try to address the situation in a fair and respectful way. For example, if one of your kids was called for a penalty you don’t agree with, you can talk to the official in a non-aggressive, respectful, information-seeking manner rather than becoming belligerent (or worse yet, violent).
- Admitting mistakes. Coaches are not perfect, and coaches sometimes make mistakes with strategy, playing time, and even the positions they put kids in on the field. Own your decisions, explain to your team how you arrived at them, and when things don’t go well admit to the team how things will be improved for the future.
- Laugh and have fun! Remember, the #1 reason kids play sports is to have fun, so be sure to have plenty of laughs and keep spirits high if you want to win your kids over!
Help kids improve their mental toughness, increase motivation and self-confidence, and deal with adversity in healthy ways by providing leadership and support built upon a foundation of trust and rapport. Remember, kids who like being on the team will be more committed, better focused, and more excited, creating the perfect culture needed to maximize athletic abilities and reach your team’s full potential!
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