How often should parents talk to their kid’s youth and interscholastic sport coaches, and should there be boundaries with respect to the content of their communication? Generally speaking, talking to the coach about things like your child’s injuries and potential missed practices/games is appropriate, but what about conversations beyond that? For example, should parents feel free to talk to the coach about how their kid is being used on the team? The position he or she plays? Or the plays the team should run to best utilize their child’s athletic abilities? These days, some parents do all of these things — and sometimes even more. While we used to allow coaches to coach independently and away from parents, more parents today will email, text, call, and speak directly to coaches about the best ways to use their child. Is this good for kids, coaches, and youth sports as a whole?
What parents talk to coaches about
A generation ago the vast majority of parents signed their kid up for a sport, and then didn’t talk to the coach again until the end-of-season sports banquet. OK, maybe there was a brief conversation in there somewhere between signup day and uniform turn-in day, but coaches were mostly left alone and provided whatever space needed to independently manage their team. The times when parents would communicate with coaches centered around scheduling conflicts, or maybe an injury that would keep the kid from playing for a little while. Other than that, parents sat in the stands, and coaches ran the team how they wanted.
Compare that to today, where parents communicate with coaches a lot more, and over a wider variety of topics. Youth and interscholastic coaches tell me regularly about the nature of such calls from parents, and they include the following:
- Where their child should play, and how he or she should be used.
- The type of style the team should play.
- How other kids on the team should play, and where.
- Who the best (and worst) kids on the team are, and how each should be coached.
- Where coaches can go to get more coach training, and/or others the coach should talk to in order to be a better coach.
In addition to the topics discussed, coaches also report that these conversations occur practically all the time these days, ranging from text messaging, email, phone calls, and even waiting around in the parking lot after practices and games! Does this sound healthy to you?
When coaches feel overwhelmed and not able to do their job, most eventually move on to something else. Rather than second-guessing and “coaching the coach,” parents are better served supporting the coach, and only communicating directly when needed (i.e. a doctor’s report on the child’s injury). Stepping beyond these parameters usually leads to cries of “politics” from other parents, and leaves coaches in tough spots trying to both appease the parent, but also coach the team in an unbiased fashion.
Final thoughts
Communication is never a bad thing, and getting to know your child’s coach a little can enhance the sport experience. The problem, however, is when lines blur and parents begin imparting advice to the coach, and/or telling the coach how to do his or her job. When coaches feel pressured to appease parents rather than objectively evaluate and coach kids, on-field results suffer, and team culture suffers. Instead, communicate with coaches only when needed (i.e. an injury, or a practice/game your child won’t be able to attend) and refrain from telling the coach where your child (and other kids on the team) should play. Providing these boundaries for the coach will allow for the best, most optimal sport experience for your son or daughter.
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