As our country evolves and becomes more accepting of those with different lifestyles, religious beliefs, mental/physical challenges, and sexual orientations, there are people not quite sure how to understand and process these changes. The experience of learning about sensitive issues can be difficult for people, as it involves education, openness to diversity, and developing a fair and positive regard for people who are “different” in some way. How do I coach a gay athlete? What does it mean to be transgender? How do I work with kids who practice a different religion – or no religion at all? What accommodations need to be made for a kid struggling with depression? By pursuing the answers to these questions, we create healthy and accepting school environments where kids can learn and thrive alongside their peers; but when we refuse to accept those different from us, we expose kids to ridicule, bullying, exclusion, and discrimination.
Changes today
The days of “don’t ask, don’t tell” no longer exists today as it once did, as quiet conformity has been replaced by empowered individuals no longer afraid of speaking up and talking about what makes them unique and different. Student athletes no longer hide their sexuality, mental struggles, or religious beliefs – in fact, kids today regularly talk openly about these issues, and post about them publicly on social media. Increasingly more student athletes, along with the rest of their peers, are learning about and respecting individual differences, and displaying empathy toward those who continue to struggle with their own unique challenges. While these are examples of young people working toward fairness and equality for all, there are still some students, teachers, and coaches not as open with these changes.
Largely because of social media, issues that previously weren’t as talked about have become open discussions, including with kids. Educators are now tasked with the challenge of working through their own unfamiliarity with certain subjects, and to do so in fair and healthy ways that allow for differences and protect those who may be vulnerable to exclusion, bullying, and other forms of abuse. It is imperative that we work together and focus on inclusion of all people, as when we do this, we become empowered through our collective strength, greatly reducing the chances for harm to occur.
The power of inclusion
Inclusion is defined as “the action or state of including or of being included within a group or structure.” Inclusion is about learning to live with one another — including those with special needs, issues, and/or limitations. Inclusion is not a single event, but rather the ongoing commitment to educate each child to the maximum extent possible, as equal participants in a society in which all kids are given the same opportunities to reach their full potential. Inclusive coaching/teaching is an affirmation that you exist, and that your identity is unconditionally valid. Inclusion is about acceptance for kids from all backgrounds, including race, gender, sexual orientation, faith, class and/or disability. This kind of coaching and teaching philosophy helps foster greater acceptance and understanding in our classrooms and athletic fields.
Educate and model pro-social behaviors
Pro-social behavior is behavior intent to benefit others, and includes helping, sharing, and co-operating together. Often these actions are motivated by concern about the welfare of others, especially toward those faced with unique challenges, issues, and circumstances. Modeling pro-social behaviors in the classroom and athletic field can have a significant impact on student learning, motivation, and overall school culture. The responsibilities of teaching and coaching go beyond simply lecturing on subject matter and coaching X’s and O’s from a playbook, and broaden to include openness, inclusion, and connection with kids. This means finding time to talk with kids who may be different in some way, listening and respecting their concerns, and actively encouraging others to do the same. Below are some additional tips to help protect potentially vulnerable kids from isolation and bullying:
- Ask questions, listen, and learn. It is important to seek to fully understand differences, and this is especially true when it comes to issues we haven’t experienced before. When students are open with their personal challenges, take time to listen closely and without judgement to what they have to say – soon you might learn that while their issues may be new to you, their challenges with respect to learning who they are and figuring out their futures are not much different than those of the other students that you teach and coach.
- Model leadership. As a teacher/coach you have great influence over kids, providing for tremendous opportunities to turn individual differences “teachable moments” by modeling openness, support, and acceptance for all students.
- Take their concerns seriously. If a student athlete discloses to you that he or she is being bullied for being different in some way, refrain from using sarcasm, joking, or taking their concerns lightly. Instead, notify school officials so that you can protect kids who may be vulnerable.
- Accept differences. Accepting all people, regardless of their worldview, doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to ascribe to the same values and beliefs. It is important that you and the kids you coach/teach understand that we can peacefully co-exist and work together, even if we don’t all think and act alike.
Final thoughts
Kids who might be “different” from their peers should not be left vulnerable to bullying, but instead protected and embraced for their individual differences. You don’t have to change who you are in order to simply respect others with different beliefs, and this is a powerful concept for parents, teachers, and coaches to model to kids. Questions around sexuality, religion, and mental health are examples of common questions for kids, and they can use our support — not discrimination — as they work through their unique thoughts and feelings about these issues.
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