More and more young athletes are becoming victims of their own success in sports. Having treated kids at my office for well over 3 decades, I have observed a pattern where the better a young kid plays sports, the faster he or she will be noticed and recruited by sport clubs, travel teams, and other “elite” sport organizations. Even though we are talking about kids younger than 10 years old, eager club coaches are on the watch and are competing against other similarly eager coaches in an attempt to secure the best kids for their team. Most parents become enthused when approached about their child’s amazing abilities, and often before thinking it fully through sign their kid up for the better team. Suddenly, the kid moves from a super fun team of all of his or her friends, to a new team hyper-focused on skill development, intense practices, and winning. Note, in most of these examples the kid is not searching for better opportunities, but instead a victim of his or her athletic potential and success to date. Often what happens from here is the game changes (literally), from a fun life experience with friends, to a mini professionalization experience of the sport. Most kids, according to surveys, do not want winning prioritized over fun and growth, and often kids experience serious mental health concerns as a result.
Why does my kid want to quit??
I see increasingly more parents these days that ask me why, suddenly, does their kid want to quit sports? How could something he is so good at not be something he wants to do? Is there something wrong with him?? Ironically, it’s easy to see why some parents have these questions, as it is often difficult to witness mental health issues developing — and even more challenging when there is little time to observe and discuss concerns around regular practices, travel, and a competition schedule that more resembles pro sports than youth sports.
How could something he is so good at not be something he wants to do? Is there something wrong with him??
Keep in mind families don’t seek to burn their kid out through sports, and the idea of sport burnout is foreign to most parents anyway — until it’s unavoidable. Kids will often go along with things for awhile, especially when meeting new teammates, receiving new “swag” and team gear, and experiencing a higher level of their sport. But, over time, many of these kids begin to lose their luster for the sport, wondering how they ended up on a team filled with pressure — and leaving behind a fun team of their best friends? Most parents are caught off-guard as well — especially as the luster of the experience wears off a bit. A year ago she laughed with her friends, and now it’s sometimes tough to even get her to want to go to the game. What happened??
What has happened is the “elite” youth sport market has exploded of late, with new clubs and organizations popping up all the time, and existing clubs constantly adding new teams to accommodate market demand and growing interest in moving away from silly “rec” sports. Kids end up being unfortunate victims, as often they are not prepared for the obligations and responsibilities that come with playing “elite” sports — they are simply good at their chosen sport. Family vacations change (or are eliminated altogether), time with friends outside of sports becomes limited, and other personal interests are no longer a reality. It’s practice — travel — compete — repeat. Yes, for awhile kids may enjoy this type of sport experience, but as the practices go longer and the missed experiences outside of sports add up, many kids grow anxious, depressed, and feel stuck playing at such an intense level when all they really wanted to do was….play.
Of course, not every kid has a negative experience in sports today, but many do, and often they do not know how to express their concerns to parents and coaches who have invested a lot in their athletic abilities. In fact, many kids think there is something wrong with them, wondering why they don’t love something they were picked to do, and expected to excel doing? Many kids fight these feelings, keep the feelings to themselves, and try to keep going as best they can. Over time, more kids do end up dropping out, and many do so with great regret, anger, animosity, and sadness. Most people don’t hear these stories, but they come through my office almost every day.
In summary, today’s youth sport landscape looks something like the following:
- There are more elite sport clubs than ever before to meet market demands. Unlike years past where kids were selected based solely on talent, previous “elite” clubs have watered down expectations to meet the growing (lucrative) market for kids to have “elite” instruction and sport experiences (in other words, simply added more teams). Because of this, in many ways “elite” has morphed into modern-day recreation sports.
- A club coach approaches and identifies your kid as above-average in talent. Because your kid runs, jumps, throws, or tackles a little better than the others, an exclusive invitation to join the club is offered.
- Parents are flattered, then sign kid up without knowing commitment and implications. Most parents are pleasantly surprised to learn that their kid is above the norm, and in a class above his or her peers. Often when they sign up for the new sport adventure, it is emotion that drives the decision, not always logic. As a result, many families are unprepared for all the time, travel, commitment, and expenses that come with the decision.
- The kid, possibly not even interested in elite sports, suddenly finds himself on team. Increasingly more kids today are becoming victims of being a good at their sport. Just because a kid hits or fields better than the rest of the team does not mean that he or she wants to go all-in and commit to the sport, and play at a high level that resembles professional sports
- The family goes along with model until it collapses. Most families hang in there as long as they can, usually until it becomes too expensive, takes too much time away from other things, or the most concerning reason — the kid is burned out and experiencing mental health issues as a result.
Final thoughts
When there are more “elite” sport opportunities than there are recreational options, a major paradigm shift has occurred. Common sense tells us not every kid is an elite athlete, but these days there are clubs just about everywhere that will add your son or daughter to the organization — often without even having a tryout — so long as you can pay the hefty bill. For kids, the swag that includes multiple uniforms and all kinds of branded gear eventually wears off, leaving them with an intense schedule that turns an otherwise fun experience into something that more resembles a job. As a result, more kids today are dealing with sport burnout and the related mental health conditions that flow from it.
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