Cyberbullying is defined as the repeated use of digital technologies (i.e. social media, messaging apps) to intentionally humiliate, threaten, intimidate, or target another person. Unlike traditional bullying that takes place in-person, cyberbullying is a virtual endeavor that can occur anyplace, anytime. Other unique characteristics of cyberbullying include anonymity (threats can come from behind a screen name), relentlessness (cyberbullying can occur anytime, and go on for what seems an eternity), and permanence (once something is on the web it’s really difficult to take down). Compounding the problem is that cyberbullying is often perpetrated by children who are still developing cognitively and emotionally, with many not having gone through puberty. What this means is that kids can act out impulsively and do things online that don’t seem harmful to them (i.e. posting a questionable picture of a friend), that lead to catastrophic results (a kid harms himself from the humiliation experienced after being cyberbullied). With new technologies developing all the time, and the mental health consequences experienced from cyberbullying being so serious, it is important to examine this type of bullying from a mental health standpoint so that we can best protect kids who may be vulnerable.
Understanding cyberbullying
Modern technology has allowed us to rapidly connect with one another and share content in mere seconds, and while these advances have been healthy in most instances, there are countless opportunities for cyberbullies to use content to humiliate and bribe individuals — many of whom are kids. In fact, cyberbullies sometimes blackmail their victims with content the victim did not even know existed, including viral pictures and videos that are deeply embarrassing (i.e. changing in a locker room). In worst-case scenarios, victims of cyberbullying immediately react out of emotion and resort to unhealthy and dangerous mental health coping — including self-harm.
Since a lot of cyberbullying takes place with kids, it is important for parents to have conversations with kids to help steer them away from being a cyberbully, as well as better protect against becoming of victim of cyberbullying.
Helping kids understand the seriousness of cyberbullying:
- Talk to kids about the seriousness of online posts, even the ones they think are just funny. Remind them of how others can take their posts differently than what was intended, as well as the actions that define “cyberbullying” so that they are aware of important boundaries.
- Teach kids that if they have even a small doubt about what they are about to post, that maybe they shouldn’t.
- Help kids understand that cyberbullying can lead to very serious mental health issues and consequences, both for the victim (i.e. depression, self harm), and the perpetrator (i.e. legal issues, consequences at school with privileges).
- Model for kids healthy and appropriate uses of technology, and check in regularly to see how your kids are doing.
Helping kids protect against being a victim of cyberbullying:
- First and foremost, help kids use good decision-making when doing things that could be caught on camera and later posted (not attending events with drinking and drug usage). In fact, peruse your child’s social media to see if there are posts that can be used against your child (even if your child doesn’t realize it).
- Make sure your kids know you are always there for them, unconditionally, even if they are embarrassed and/or afraid that you might see something they did not want you to see. Let your kids know they won’t be punished for asking for help!
- Help your kids use good judgement with respect to privacy in situations that can be used against them, especially when in private areas like locker rooms and restrooms.
- If your child is the victim of being cyberbullied, stay with him or her during the immediate afterward period to ensure your child is safe and not contemplating doing something dangerous. Also, make sure to know where school and community resources are to use if needed.
Keep in mind that not all cyberbullying cases are blackmail or attempts at extortion, but instead kids naively posting content that they think is funny and harmless. These incidents occur mostly because kids’ brains aren’t fully developed, and they lack the life experience to fully understand all the implications from their actions. Either way, the stakes are too high to take cyberbullying lightly, and the subject of cyberbullying is one that should be regularly discussed with your kids.
Final thoughts
Cyberbullying is very real today, yet we don’t often hear about it until something tragic has occurred. With so many kids using social media and related technologies, it is very easy for kids to make short-sighted, impulsive decisions that lead to kids being embarrassed and humiliated online — and possibly developing mental health issues as a result. In worst-case scenarios kids have engaged in self-harm, and even suicide, as a result of being bullied online. Make it a priority to talk to your kids about healthy ways to use technology, and the serious dangers that can occur when kids tease and bully others online.
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