The recent USA Gymnastics scandal involving Dr. Larry Nassar and his mistreatment of kids reminds us again of the potential dangers kids face when in the company of predatory adults who clearly shouldn’t be permitted to teach, coach, or provide healthcare services to kids. Fortunately, stories like what happened with USA Gymnastics are rare, but there are enough crimes that do occur that it warrants reminders that some individuals do slip through the cracks and pose terrible dangers to kids. In order to mitigate future risks, it’s important that parents remain vigilant, pay attention to people and situations that don’t feel right, and ask kids questions to make sure they are being treated in healthy and safe ways.
Keep your guard up
Often pedophiles like Dr. Larry Nassar befriend families and groom their victims, a disturbing and common technique. These individuals don’t fit a specific personality prototype, nor do they always look like creepy, dangerous people. In fact, in many instances they are viewed by those around them as normal, upstanding citizens, who would never be capable of doing anything bad to kids. The big takeaway here is not to be paranoid with every adult who is involved with your child, but to simply “keep your guard up” and refrain from giving any adult, even those who look “normal,” unconditional access to your child by always keeping a watchful eye.
In addition to paying close attention to the adults who work with your kids, consider the following suggestions to better protect your child from potentially dangerous situations and people.
- Teach kids about appropriate language and touching. It is important to engage in ongoing, age-appropriate conversations with your kids about appropriate adult words and behaviors, especially as this applies to anything sexual in nature. Granted, these aren’t always the easiest of conversations, but by preparing kids to identify improper behaviors and report back to you the odds of a future sexual crime occurring decrease dramatically.
- Ask questions. One of the best ways to build rapport and learn of potentially dangerous situations developing is to ask your child questions. Try and ask open-ended questions (i.e. “Tell me about how Coach is doing?”), and allow your child to fully respond. Watch for any signs of discomfort, and follow up with additional questions when you don’t feel good about the initial responses. The key is to learn as much as you can without prematurely assuming bad things are happening, and the way this occurs is by allowing your child to freely tell you about the team environment.
- Be present. Perhaps the best way to prevent children from being abused is to be present and involved as much as possible. Parents who attend meetings, transport their kids to practices and games (and stick around to observe), and get involved in the booster clubs and other outreach reduce the risks that their kids will be left exposed to a predatory adult.
- Believe your child. Never, ever take for granted potentially dangerous stories your kids report to you, even if the accusation is against an adult you think you know and like. What this means is that you listen and keep an open-mind before jumping to any conclusions, and that you use the information to begin your own investigation into the situation to better determine if kids are in potential danger. What is not advised is to laugh, ridicule, or blow off what your kids tell you, even if what they say seems implausible on the surface.
- Trust your intuition. Often in life we don’t necessarily have hard evidence to suggest things aren’t right, but we still feel like something odd is happening. With the USA Gymnastics scandal, many parents reported discomfort with Dr. Nassar treating their kids without parents being present, yet nobody investigated any further. While is is true that simply having a gut-feeling isn’t enough to assert that a coach or teacher is doing something wrong, intuition is a very powerful tool to rely on and helps us identify potentially dangerous people and situations.
- Report your concerns. If you directly learn (or even strongly suspect) that an adult is potentially harming kids, it is vitally important that you immediately relay your concerns to the appropriate authorities (athletic directors, league operators, principals, and possibly the police).
Final thoughts
Crimes against kids are the worst crimes of all, and while we may never be able to prevent every bad adult from harming kids, there are many things we can do to minimize risk. Pay attention to any questionable behaviors, odd experiences your child may report to you, and teacher/coach adults who seem to get a little too close to kids. Check in with your kids often, and while conversations around inappropriate behaviors might not be the most comfortable, they are important discussions to have if safety is the primary goal.
