If you previously played sports as a kid, then you likely had at least one kid in your league that was head and heels bigger than everyone else. In fact, these early developing kids often become legends in their community for their early feats, be it by means of exciting touchdown runs, great soccer goals, or being able to pitch faster than anyone else. Consequently, it is not uncommon to see these kids develop most, if not all, of their personal identity around their sport role (i.e. “I am a football player!”). In fact, often parents of the early developing kids take on this identity as well, and begin dedicating increasingly more time, energy, and resources toward their child’s chosen sport. This is all great while it lasts, but inevitably other kids do catch up — and some kids even pass up the kid who experienced early success. What happens then, especially as this applies to the kid’s identity and how he or she uses sport success as a means of developing self-esteem and confidence? This time in life can be an especially tough time for a kid, as well as his or her parents.
What happens to the early developing kid?
Kids who mature faster than their peers often enjoy early youth sport success largely because of their natural physical gifts, but what happens psychologically when other kids catch up? I sometimes see kids who fit this profile, and below are a few of the issues I have learned from them directly:
- Loss of identity (social status). Perhaps the biggest unexpected change to early developing kids occurs when they are prompted to revisit the question Who am I? Keep in mind we create a self-identity largely by how we see ourselves, and for successful athletes it is not uncommon to develop a self-identity that is largely “athlete.” The athlete identity is further compounded when others also view the youngster as “athlete,” thereby creating an exclusive athletic identity, and this can lead to a difficult mental health period for kids when they see little self-worth beyond athletic success.
- Confidence decrease. When kids experience success in sports, the confidence they feel on the sports field often spills over to school, friendships, and other important aspects of life. But what happens when the early developing kid no longer has the same success on the field, and his or her confidence decreases as a result? Some kids really struggle during this time, and in worst-case scenarios even feel embarrassed that they are not living up to other people’s expectations.
- Future goal confusion. When young kids dominate youth sports, it should be no surprise that conversations around “what if??” begin to take place at home. What future skill development coaches should we hire? What athletic scholarships should we pursue? What clubs should we join? These questions make sense when your kid is the best kid in the league, but when others catch up it may prompt revisiting those goals.
- Overall feeling of loss. Perhaps the biggest and most noticeable common trait I see when working with kids who have faded from being the best to an average athlete is a overall sense of loss, and going through each day as though in a confusing mental fog. Where do I go, and what do I do? Do my teammates still think I’m good? And what about my parents, who up until this moment have devoted their lives to my sport success? Am I letting all of these people down? As you might imagine, these questions can lead to depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and even substance abuse and self-harm.
Final thoughts
Some early developing kids are victims of their own physical growth when it comes to youth sports. Early advantages due to strength and speed begin to decrease as other kids mature, often leading to a host of mental health concerns that can go unnoticed by coaches, teammates, and sometimes even parents. Remember, developing a self identity around “athlete” can come with risk, especially when kids see little to no personal value beyond being one of the best kids in their sports league. It is for these reasons that we should pay attention to the kids who develop quicker than others, and support them when their peers catch up in size, speed, and strength.
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