Often when I talk to sports parents they ask me questions about the common issues they experience, including things like sport specialization versus sport sampling, whether to play multiple sports during the same sport season, and travel league versus recreational leagues. These questions can be complex and tricky, even for parents who were once themselves youth athletes. Compared to previous generations, kids playing youth sports today generally have more opportunities to play sports, play more games, and compete in leagues that more closely mirror professional sports than they do traditional youth sports. All of these changes require families to pay attention to the sport participation options, intensity levels, travel commitments, and how the sport experience will uniquely fit within their family structure. The decisions families make with youth sports are important, not only for sports growth, but also for future life skills development.
The best way to work together for family sports decisions
Depending on the age of your child you should strongly consider involving your child as much as possible when it comes to sport decisions that have a direct impact on your child. When kids are young, parents need to take a much greater role when deciding on the types of sport to play, intensity level, and whether to try and play multiple sports at the same time. As kids age, however, I find that getting your kids involvement in sport decisions is a very worthwhile endeavor, and it allows kids to take ownership in the process directly governing their time and energy. Below are a few tips for healthy family sport decision-making:
- Process the past. One of the most effective means for weighing decisions is to closely examine the experiences you have had in the past. How did last year’s season go? If things didn’t go well, will things be different this year (i.e. new coaches?). Was the experience fun for your child, and did he or she develop and grow through the experience? Take time out to talk about previous experiences and see if your impressions match those of your child.
- Create a list of pros and cons. Sit down with your child and write down all the possible sport experiences you have to choose from, then decide how many pros and cons for each team/sport. Does your list match your child’s? Why or why not?
- Value your child’s opinion. When you involve your child in decision-making it’s important that your actions truly mirror your words. For example, make it a point to express to your child that even if opinions vary, you won’t be upset or penalize your child. In fact, you might want to regularly remind your child just how important his or her input is as you (the parent) won’t be the one directly involved in the sport experience.
The worst ways to make sport decisions for your child
Similar to there being some good ways to involve your child in decision-making, there are also some things to steer clear of, including the following:
- Devalue or minimize your child’s contributions. If you involve your child in decisions pertaining to his or her sport participation, then please make sure your efforts are genuine. This means asking open-ended questions, listen closely, and reflecting back to your child for clarity when necessary.
- Ignore the fun quotient. Remember, the #1 reason kids play sports is to have fun — parents who dismiss this fact and instead push on for heavy competition and pressure when their child is saying it’s no longer fun may be hurting their child more than helping.
- Employ authoritarian parenting techniques. Telling your child “You’ll do this because I said so” or making threats of punishment if your child doesn’t play sports may lead to negative, unintended consequences. Instead, sit together as a team and respect all views, even if they differ from yours.
Final thoughts
Having “skin in the game” is a good thing when it comes to involving your child in sport participation decisions, as your child is more apt to take ownership when he or she is able to have a voice in the process. Try to stay positive, open-minded, and respectful as you engage in the decision-making process, and show your appreciation to your child that he or she is taking a leadership role. Be flexible with decisions, and allow for a change of course after each season ends, especially if you experience sports burnout, injuries, or other life experiences your child is interested in experiencing.
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