Our personal identity is how we define ourselves, and usually includes our unique values, interests, and roles we play in life. For example, people often define themselves through their occupation, role in the community, or simply as a spouse/parent. Our personal identity actually starts forming early in childhood, and for many kids, their identity is largely rooted in sports. The kid who gets a lot of hits in baseball often quickly identifies mostly as a “baseball player,” while the above-average gymnast sees herself as largely a “gymnast.” These self-ascribed identities (known as the self identity) become even stronger when everyone else around the person also sees them as “baseball player” or “gymnast,” and we call this the social identity. As you might imagine, when the self- and social-identify are the same, it strengthens how we see ourselves, and also creates unique challenges when there are threats to our identity — and this is especially challenging for kids who play sports and over-identify as “athlete.”
Identity & Sports
Sports are unique for a number of reasons, perhaps none more so than the fact that they are usually enjoyed earlier in life. Most kids play sports, but as the years pass fewer and fewer will stay involved with sports. Some kids voluntarily quit, others are cut, and still others are forced from sports due to an unplanned injury. It is this third group of kids who experience sport retirement due to injury that I would like to highlight today, particularly with how sport injuries directly impact kids and their personal identity.
When kids spend most of their lives competing in sports (and increasingly more kids do play sports year-round today), they often develop a strong athletic identity. There is nothing wrong with this, and in many ways it can be quite healthy. The problem, however, occurs when kids experience serious injuries and face the very real prospect of being forced to leave their sport behind — for good. Who am I? What do I do now? What significance is my sports number now that I no longer play anymore? These are real examples of questions kids have asked at my office, and direct evidence that sports can greatly contribute to one’s overall personal identity.
While sports will end for all people one day, few athletes actually plan for that day. With kids, rarely do they think it will ever end, and many kids happily embrace being seen as an “athlete” to their peers. What most people — including many parents — miss are the expected emotional struggles many kids have when dealing with an injury and realizing their sports career hangs in the balance. Kids commonly deal with anxiety, depression, confusion, and even anger when dealing with the fact that their identity as “athlete” may be coming to an end.
When parents see their child put so much into being an athlete, it is important to realize that the inevitable sport retirement transition that looms may present some difficult challenges with personal identity. Before that time, parents can help diffuse some stress by considering the following:
- Discuss sport retirement and the realities. It is important to have regular conversations with your child about the fact that only about 5% of all high school athletes will play in college, and that only about 2% of all college athletes will play professional sports. With such long odds, it is prudent to expand the identity and diversify interests and values beyond just sports.
- Broaden the identity along the way with other experiences. Encourage your kids to participate in as many different activities as they can, and reward them for doing so (assuming the activities don’t directly overlap). Who knows, your child may serendipitously discover that he or she has interests beyond sports, and that will help with feelings of self-worth beyond being an athlete.
- Seek professional help. Seeking the help of a mental health professional during sport retirement is not an admission of psychopathology or mental illness, but instead a potentially helpful step to take during an emotionally challenging period.
Final thoughts
Many athletes struggle with the question “Who am I?” immediately upon sport retirement — and this includes kids. Help your child broaden self-worth beyond success tied to sports, and create as many non-sport activities and experiences as you can to help your child developed into a well-rounded person. Placing all your eggs into being a college and/or pro athlete is never advised, as the odds of making it are quite long. Sport injuries can happen at any time, and not only can these injuries be related to sport retirement, but leaving sports can impact the human identity as well.
drstankovich.com
