Why do so many people worry about how others conduct their lives — especially when what others do has no effect on their lives? We spend a lot of time these days judging others, even when others are living their true selves. The energy we devote to stressing out over another person’s sexual orientation, lifestyle choices, or religion leaves us mentally fatigued, angry, frustrated, and sad. But why live this way? Why devote time stressing over things you do not control and/or have no bearing on your life? Not only is an inefficient way to live life, it also steals from the joy of life you might otherwise experience if you let those other things go. Improve your mental health immediately by learning how to ignore things that are irrelevant to you and your overall happiness, and instead use the time to spend positive energy with family and friends.
Stop worrying about things that are irrelevant
You could go about your day today and only focus on things that actually matter to you — like completing tasks at school/work, or spending time with your family this evening. Unfortunately, we tend to sometimes pay too much attention, and give too much energy toward, things that truly do not effect our lives in any significant way. Some of the things people typically worry about, but perhaps shouldn’t, include:
- Sexual orientation. Who someone loves or marries has no effect on your daily reality, yet some people obsess over it.
- Religion (or lack of it). Whether someone is devout, atheist, or practices differently doesn’t diminish your own faith or freedom.
- Personal lifestyle choices. Diets (vegan, keto, carnivore), workout habits, or how often someone goes to the gym are usually irrelevant to anyone else’s health.
- Appearance & style. Tattoos, piercings, hair color, clothing choices — none of it changes your own body or presentation.
- Marital or family status. If someone doesn’t marry, marries young, marries outside their race/culture, or chooses not to have kids, it doesn’t effect your own relationships.
- Career path. Some people become bothered about others’ job choices (“Why would they do that for a living?”), though it doesn’t affect their paycheck.
- Cultural practices & traditions. Customs, holidays, or languages spoken at home have no bearing on those not participating.
- Spending habits. If someone drives a fancy car or a beat-up clunker, it doesn’t change your commute.
- Hobbies and interests. Being obsessed with video games, sports, knitting, or comic books doesn’t take away from your free time.
Many of the judgments above come from projecting our feelings onto others, our own insecurities, or the need to control people and situations. Delving deeper, our differences can feel like danger because of our neural hard-wiring, and our need to belong. Perhaps some of our behavior can be explained by our evolutionary roots where humans evolved in small tribes, and outsiders could signal danger by means of disease, or competition for resources. Psychologists also point to social identity theory as a more modern reason why we concern ourselves unnecessarily with others, as we tend to categorize ourselves as “in-group” and “out-group,” and anything that feels different threatens our sense of belonging and identity.
Generally speaking, humans have a need for control and predictability, and when others act outside of our norms, it can feel like a challenge to our sense of order and control (even if it doesn’t impact our actual life). This discomfort can turn into judgment, gossip, or unnecessarily policing others and their actions. The more we devote energy toward curtailing what others do, the more anxious and agitated we become, leaving us with less positive energy and a mediocre life experience.
Final thoughts
If you want to improve your mental health with minimal effort, try ignoring things that other people do that have no bearing on your life. Instead, turn your focus toward things that do matter, including developing healthy relationships with family and friends, exercising, excelling at school/work, and investing in matters that truly mean something to you. How someone worships or who they sleep with should have no bearing on your life happiness, that is, unless you allow those things to matter.
drstankovich.com
