Are you a poor sport? There used to be a time in our country that we rarely disputed the outcome of games, and losers — while not happy about coming up short — displayed sportsmanship, respect toward the opponent, and accepted the loss. These days, however, we see a lot of the opposite behavior, including lack of accountability, and an unwillingness to accept defeat. Aside from these being undesirable behaviors, when adults engage in poor sportsmanship and are bad losers it models this behavior directly to kids. Let’s stop with the excuses and get back to a more civil approach to competition by promoting healthy sportsmanship, and pushing out bad losers.
Common characteristics of bad losers
To begin this analysis, it is important to accept that it is not because somebody “cheated” every time you lose in sports (or life). Rarely are games “rigged,” and in 99% of competition the outcome came about because one team or competitor simply outplayed the opponent. While losing never feels good, future positive growth can only occur when results are accepted, and the losing individual/team can review the game in order to improve. Below are examples of poor sportsmanship that compromises healthy competition, and sets forth poor examples for kids with respect to handling adversity:
- Blaming everyone but themselves. Poor sports tend to blame the officials, weather, field conditions, and everything else instead of simply taking responsibility for a loss.
- Emotional outbursts and poor self-control. Yelling at officials (and possibly getting ejected as a result), dressing down players by means of humiliation, and engaging in other disrespectful behaviors while competing.
- Disrespect toward opponents. Playing with disregard to safety, intentionally making disparaging comments toward the other team, and purposely doing things on the field to make the other team feel unworthy.
- Win at all cost mentality. Bending rules, overlooking cheating, and pushing kids well past what would be acceptable expectations (mentally and physically).
- Inconsistent standards. What’s good for our team isn’t good for yours, over-playing star players at expense of playing reserves, and calling out other teams/coaches for doing the same things that their team does.
While it is understandable why it’s easy to engage in poor sportsmanship since sports are an incredibly emotional experience, the behaviors listed above prevent kids from experiencing a healthy, competitive, and enriching life experience. In fact, kids that witness consistent poor sportsmanship from their coaches and teammates are more likely to look for another team — or quit the sport altogether. It is for these reasons that it behooves coaches to take responsibility, own losses, and model for kids that through adversity there is opportunity for growth. The reality is that in most competitions the outcome is fair, and rarely are games “rigged” or that the opponent has cheated.
Final thoughts
Pointing your finger toward anything other than your own efforts may be comforting in the moment, but it does not reflect reality, nor does it allow for introspection to examine what needs improvement. For kids to witness poor sportsmanship it also models to them that when you lose it’s not your fault, and that officials are anything but fair. When kids learn that it’s never their fault, they are more likely to carry that thinking over to the classroom (i.e. blaming bad teachers), and even their future careers (i.e. they were cheated out of a promotion).
drstankovich.com
