Many sports families keep chasing something today, but what exactly are they chasing? As youth sports continue to professionalize and mimic college and pro sports, more families are chasing the dream, with the hope that one day the time and money investment will pay off. Today, my focus is not on the chase, but instead another budding issue that warrants attention. Specifically, I see increasingly more families today hyper-focus on the next opportunity, while overlooking and devaluing the sport experience they are currently doing. In other words, rather than extract every joy and sport skill from what they are currently doing, they are always focused on what comes next? This is unfortunate, as “next” isn’t always better, and what you are doing right now might be one of the most amazing things your child ever does!
The real cost to always chasing the next shiny thing…
So what? Why does it matter if we are always looking for the next best opportunity for our kid? That’s a question I hear a lot these days, and it is a nuanced question to answer. Generally speaking, of course you should always look for ways that your child can grow and develop, and sometimes this means new life challenges (i.e. taking an advanced math course in school after excelling in the general math course). With sports, on-field success comes about from repetition, reinforcement, and a solid understanding of the basics. Too often today we see parents racing to find that “next” opportunity, well before their child has demonstrated that he or she has acquired basic skills (or developed them enough to truly need to advance). You would not sign your child up for advanced calculus if she is struggling with general math, so why would you pursue an elite club or travel team when your child still needs to master the basics in his or her sport?
Often parents defend their choice, telling themselves that “normal” sports are holding their child back, or that opportunities will be missed if they don’t jump at every opportunity. The opportunities “missed,” ironically, are the things left behind when families jump from team-to-team without thinking decisions through. Those opportunities include:
- Learning sport skills at a normal pace that allows for muscle memory and true sport skill acquisition.
- Friendships, as often the the teams that kids leave are comprised of their neighborhood friends.
- Chances to truly develop self-confidence by competing — and sometimes excelling — against similarly skilled competition.
- Enjoying the innocence of youth sports, a very unique life station where kids get to laugh and enjoy one another, win and lose together, and build lifetime friendships and memories together.
Often when parents race to the next new shiny object, they get caught up in the allure of something bigger and better. Unfortunately, usually what they find is hyper-intensity, winning as the sole focus, and a trade of “fun” for on-field success. Kids, as a result, become at-risk for sport burnout, or simply don’t find it as fun playing with kids they don’t know compared to playing with their friends. While not every family has a bad experience jumping around from team-to-team, many families do regret not enjoying what they had, when they had it.
Final thoughts
While it is cliche, what is most important is that you do what is best for your child while taking into account as many factors as possible. Does your child really need that high of competition? What is your end goal? Does your child fully understand all that is involved and expected with each sport advancement? And do you — and your child — realize the long odds of even earning a D3 college athletic opportunity? In my experience, the vast majority of families get the most out of a general sport curriculum offered through school and community, with only a very small percentage of kids truly needing advanced competition because of their superior sport skill and potential. Ironically, in this moment we are seeing the exact opposite — a lot of families chasing, but for what I don’t know.
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