“We never know when he is coming, and we get stressed out worrying whether we will have enough to play.”
“I don’t understand how he only comes to some of the practices, but he starts for all of the games?”
“It actually really sucks.”
The quotes above are from kids I have spoken to at my office when posed with the question about how they feel when they have a teammate not fully committed to their team because he or she plays multiple sports/teams during the same season. While we often talk about the challenges the multi-sport, same season kid faces juggling conflicting schedules, perhaps we should listen more closely to how teammates feel playing with kids who simply cannot be counted on when needed. In other words, we tend to forget about the kids who do fully commit to attending practices and games, and how they might feel seeing other kids on the team seem to come when they want — yet still enjoy ample playing time. Is it fair for kids who attend all practices, work hard, and do everything the coach asks, to have to wait until the last minute to see if certain, special teammates show up? Should a fully committed kid lose a starting position to someone who only comes part of the time? If you listen to kids, you might learn that most do not like it when their teammates can’t be relied on, or when they are given special privileges because they keep an overly-busy schedule. In fact, some kids experience mental health issues (i.e. anxiety) when they are always worried about their standing on the team, especially when other teammates don’t seem very committed. Is this the ideal youth sport experience?
The race to do as much as possible…
While there are countless sport opportunities for your child at any time of the calendar year, is it wise to continue to sign your kid up for seemingly everything? I sometimes talk to parents who see no problem with this approach to youth sports, and some even question what the big deal is about? So what if my kid is late? If we miss a game or two, what’s the big deal? My kid is the best on the team, so they should be happy when she can make it to games.
There are many issues to contend with when parents take a casual position about their child’s commitment to his or her team. On the most basic level, it leaves the team less equipped to play well and win games when kids don’t show up. Additionally, absent kids make team building very difficult, and put coaches in tough positions when trying to dole out playing time for kids who only attend part of the time. But there are even bigger issues beyond the scoreboard, specifically relating to the behaviors we model for kids by blowing off youth sport commitments. When kids see that it’s no big deal at all to miss practices and games, the message being sent is that schedules and commitments really don’t matter, and if the team can’t play as a result, oh well. If it is important to teach kids important life skills like time management, keeping a schedule, and being a fully invested team player, how does only being partially committed achieve those goals?
Yes, “it really does suck” (to quote one of the kids at the office) having to constantly cater and coddle a few kids on the team who have over-booked their schedules to the point of being unreliable to the team. Why should committed kids feel stressed out before every game, nervously watching the parking lot with the hopes of having enough kids to play today? Does the overly-booked family think of those things when signing up for one commitment after another??
Final thoughts
While we often talk about the inherent challenges that exist for the over-booked kid, perhaps we should take a closer look at the rest of the team and they challenges they face when trying to develop and compete with kids not fully invested in the team. Should it be expected that the team stress and experience mental health concerns worrying about a kid or two who may or may not make the game? Should the team simply accept that kids whop do not attend all practices, will still have starting positions on the team? If we accept these conditions, what are we really teaching kids? That it’s OK to come when you want, if you want, and that you will face no consequences for only being half-invested? That kind of message is not a winning message, and does not allow kids to learn important life skills that will serve them well after their playing days are over.
drstankovich.com
