Right is right. Wrong is wrong.
Most of us do not need a philosophy textbook to understand that statement. As humans we possess an internal mechanism that signals when something feels off, even if we struggle to articulate it. We may debate a position publicly, but internally experience a moment of clarity — where we recognize what is happening and that it is wrong. The more interesting question is not whether we know the difference between right and wrong, but whether we live in alignment with what we already know. Above all, how does this process impact our mental health?
The body often knows before the mind
Psychology research suggests that moral judgments are frequently intuitive and emotional before they are rational. Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt’s work on moral intuition proposes that we often “feel” a moral reaction first and then construct reasoning afterward to justify it. Haidt’s theory explains why when we know something is wrong yet do not act accordingly, moral discomfort often shows up with physical symptoms including:
- A tightening in the chest
- Stomach butterflies
- Restlessness
- Irritability
- A subtle urge to disengage, including the conversation, venue, and even the people in your company
These are not random sensations, but are internal signals. The nervous system reacts quickly to perceived unfairness, dishonesty, or harm. The mind then works to interpret what the body has already registered. In essence, this means is that our body reacts faster (the physiological symptoms) than we can cognitively interpret (attach value to) an event.
Knowing is common, but congruence is rare
Where things become complicated it is not in recognition — it is in how we respond to things. Psychological congruence refers to alignment between:
- What we believe (including our personal values, morals, informal and formal education).
- What our internal signals tell us (how we feel — calm, excited, bothered, disturbed?).
- What we actually choose to do (continue to participate, or disengage and/or try and rectify a situation).
When those three are aligned, there is psychological steadiness, clear thinking, less defensiveness, and a feeling of being grounded. Problems arise when we are not congruent – this is when internal tension is experienced
In cases of misalignment, we might:
- Laugh at something that crossed a line, rather than call out that the action was uncalled for and/or unfair.
- Stay silent when someone is mistreated, including watching passively rather than speaking up or stopping the situation.
- Publicly defend what privately feels wrong, like defending the indefensible simple because you like the person or political party.
- Rationalize behavior we would condemn in someone else by tamping down the seriousness or significance of the event.
That internal tension has a name: cognitive dissonance. Festinger’s theory of cognitive dissonance describes the discomfort that arises when our beliefs and behaviors conflict. In order to reduce that discomfort, we often change the story rather than change the behavior. Examples of self-talk, or actual things that we say to others, include:
“It’s not that serious.”
“Everyone does it.”
“It’s not my place.”
“I don’t want to create conflict.”
These explanations “work” in the short-term by reducing discomfort, but over time, repeated misalignment dulls the internal alarm system. Generally speaking, most people do not abandon their moral framework overnight, but instead adjust it incrementally.
If we know something is wrong, why don’t we act? Because alignment often carries risk, including social rejection from a group, possible verbal/physical conflict, loss of status/identity within a group, potential isolation, and general discomfort. Simply put, silence is easier, agreement is safer, and rationalization is smoother. The problem, however, is that our long-term mental health is strongly tied to internal consistency. Research in self-determination theory and authenticity suggests that people who live in alignment with their core values experience greater well-being and lower internal stress.
The pause matters…
Not every disagreement is moral, as many issues are nuanced. But there are moments when something inside you pauses and says, “This isn’t right.” That pause is your body’s way of warning you of misalignment, and that something is potentially wrong and worth paying attention to rather than just going along. In order to align, you may need to make a tough decision, including examples like:
- Refusing to participate, which may include leaving a particular organization or group.
- Declining to endorse, including issues and individuals supported by friends, family, and/or colleagues.
- Speaking calmly instead of reacting defensively, offering information that may upset and disturb important people in your life
- Choosing not to justify what feels wrong — holding on to your convictions, regardless the cost with respect to relationships and opportunities.
Final thoughts
Right is right. Wrong is wrong. We are our best when accept what we know to be true, as this congruence and alignment is best for our mental health. Unfortunately, there are variables that often get in the way — including expectations, the groups we belong to, and the alternatives we face if we don’t go along with what our tribe expects. Our bodies tell us directly through physiological symptoms that something isn’t morally right, but do we always listen? Or is it better to tamp down our morals in order to remain true to a group?
drstankovich.com
