Kids model what they see adults do, for better or for worse. When parents show their kids what it means to respect people, offer support, and empathize with tough life situations, kids quickly pick up on these qualities. It is also true that when kids see that it’s no big deal to lie, and that disrespecting and putting down others is cool, they are more apt to engage in those very same behaviors. While we adults might rationalize and/or justify our poor behaviors, we know deep down inside when we say or do something we know isn’t right. Right now, kids are regularly seeing adults do some pretty ugly stuff.
Kids are watching closely…
Kids today aren’t just watching their parents, they are paying attention to the world around them. Whether it’s a coach yelling at a referee, a parent trash-talking another family from the stands, or a politician going viral for name-calling, the examples are everywhere. Social media makes it even easier for bad behavior to be seen, shared, and normalized, as often the most clicked stories are the most extreme stories. It’s no wonder that children can start to believe disrespect, dishonesty, and verbal attacks are simply “how the world works.”
From a psychological standpoint, this is social modeling in action. Albert Bandura’s famous research showed that children don’t just imitate what adults do—they absorb the attitudes behind those actions. If a child watches a grown-up bend the truth to get ahead, they don’t just learn how to lie—they learn that lying is an acceptable tool for success. Over time, repeated exposure to these behaviors can lead to normalization, where something wrong no longer feels wrong because “everyone’s doing it.”
The flip side is just as powerful: kids also notice—and remember—when adults handle things well. A parent admitting they made a mistake, a coach displaying sportsmanship and congratulating the opposing team after a loss, or a neighbor showing kindness to a stranger leaves a lasting impression. These moments teach that integrity, empathy, and self-control aren’t just “nice ideas,” but real-life skills worth practicing.
As adults, we have to accept that we’re always teaching, whether we mean to or not. Every public reaction, every conversation in the car after a game, every social media post is a lesson in what’s normal and acceptable. The question is: what lessons are we teaching? If we want kids to grow into respectful, honest, and empathetic people, we need to show them what that looks like—even when it’s hard, even when we’re frustrated, and especially when no one is clapping for us.
How to model the right behaviors for kids
If we want young people to value integrity, empathy, and respect, we have to be deliberate about showing those qualities—especially when the situation makes it difficult. Below are a few ideas to consider:
Narrate your values in real time
When you make a tough choice—like admitting a mistake or apologizing—say it out loud.
Example: “I was frustrated and said something I shouldn’t have. I’m going to apologize.”
Show respect when it’s hard
Whether it’s a referee who made a bad call or someone who cut you off in traffic, your reaction matters. Calm, respectful responses show kids that self-control is a strength, not a weakness.
Give credit, even in defeat
After a loss, congratulate the other team or acknowledge their effort. This teaches that respect is not dependent on the scoreboard.
Call out the good you see
Point out examples of honesty, kindness, and sportsmanship in everyday life. Kids learn not just from what we do, but from what we notice and praise.
Guard your words in public spaces
Kids are always listening—whether you’re on the sidelines, at the dinner table, or on social media. Ask yourself if what you’re saying is something you’d be proud to hear them repeat.
Acknowledge your own growth
Let kids see that adults are still learning, too. It humanizes you and models humility.
Final thoughts
The habits we normalize today will be the values our kids carry into tomorrow. Every choice we make in front of them—big or small—is an opportunity to shape the kind of people they’ll become. When we lie, cheat, and disrespect others, our kids are far more apt to do the same. The good news is when we model pro-social behaviors, like listening to a friend who is sad, or offering respect an opponent, kids are more likely to do those things as well. These are critical times to get it right, and kids are hoping we will be the best teachers we can be in the future.
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