Stress, adversity, frustration, and failure. Regardless of how you live your life, you will inevitably experience these four mental health conditions — and sometimes all of them on the same day. When we try to be perfect and avoid dealing with life challenges, we actually set ourselves up for poor and ineffective responses due to lack of focus, coping skills, and overall human resiliency. The point is that mental health relies largely on how we deal with stress, adversity, frustration, and failure, and that our level of preparation for these life challenges will dictate the solutions we consider, as well as the outcomes that follow.
Cultivate your coping
Not all stress should be addressed the same way, meaning that there is a range from non-threatening stress (i.e. the stress experienced when deciding what shirt to wear today) all the way to catastrophic stress (i.e. the stress experienced when dealing with life threatening situations). In fact, Dr. Richard Carlson reminds us in his popular 1997 book “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” that how we respond to our daily stress has a direct effect on our mental health and the overall quality of our life, and that often the stress that we perceive as really bad is nothing more than “small stuff.” Rather than treat the minor traffic you experienced this morning as the worst thing all year, it makes more sense to look at the 10-15 minute inconvenience as “small stuff” in the big picture of life.
Distinguishing between acute and chronic stress is important, as it allows us to quickly move through the small stuff (i.e. traffic jams, brief arguments, nasty weather) and direct more time and attention toward bigger, more serious stressors (i.e. keeping up good grades in school, rehabilitating from an injury, finding a new job). Unfortunately, we too often apply the same coping response to the stress we experience, regardless of seriousness, resulting in inefficient (and sometimes ineffective) coping.
Interestingly, much of what Carlson discussed over 25 years ago remains true today, especially his candid views around just how much of the stress we experience really is “small stuff” in the big picture. Just think about how many people today — or just in the next hour — will become extremely stressed over a social media “like,” comment, or picture/video they encounter. Is it really worth wrecking your day over that? Take control of how you perceive and react to stress, especially as this applies to things that really don’t matter much — like online banter.
Final thoughts
Rather than trying to avoid stress, adversity, frustration, and failure, why not accept that these conditions happen naturally in life and instead prepare to cope as they occur? A better way to go is to acknowledge and embrace that life is stressful, but that not all stress is the same. In fact, a lot of the stress we experience in life really is “small stuff,” as Richard Carlson writes in his famous book. Learn how to quickly deal with the small stressors, while preparing more thoroughly for the bigger stressors, and before you know you will be experiencing a very different world around you.
drstankovich.com
