You are what your record says you are.
Often we hear from others — or say to ourselves — how much better we are than our record shows. The student with all C’s says how he is “smarter than that,” and the athlete who hasn’t scored in 4 games says “she’s a better player than that.” While it may be true that the student is capable of getting better grades, and the athlete is capable of scoring more points, to this moment neither of those things have occurred so you really are as good as your record says. By refusing to accept this reality, denial takes hold—blurring focus, creating a false sense of where things stand, and delaying the concrete steps needed to improve performance in school or sports.
Unpacking the dangers of denial
Denial is a human defense mechanism first theorized by Sigmund Freud that protects us from emotional discomfort. Said another way, what we don’t recognize has less of a chance of making us uncomfortable, so we deny what we don’t want to accept. Denial allows us to:
Reject or minimize uncomfortable truths, including academic, athletic, and social experiences.
Avoid (or postpone) emotional pain, fear, or anxiety, thereby allowing us to steer clear of those feelings as long as possible.
Preserve self-image or identity, especially as this applies to our status in school, sports, and other important life experiences.
Delay confronting threatening information — as well as the likely uncomfortable consequences that may follow.
If we regularly deny truth, we only compound matters for the worse. Denial creates a false mental mode, making it difficult to improve upon things when you don’t even “see” them. Rather than using objective feedback for future self-improvement, denial prompts us to overlook weaknesses, blame others, and even reject good coaching. ironically, we often experience more anxiety using denial, even though denial is supposed to lessen our anxiety by means of protecting our ego from emotional discomfort.
When we deny truth, we take a very inefficient approach to problem-solving, leading to repeated (preventable) mistakes, ongoing frustration, blaming others, or simply believing we don’t have what it takes to be successful. All of this can be avoided, of course, and that begins by accepting who you are in this very moment. If you are struggling in school, own it, and develop realistic plans for future improvement. Blaming the teacher, the school, your friends, or anything else other than your own effort is a waste of time, and will only prolong the challenges you face. The same is true with sports, rather than deny your current status or blame “politics” or the coach, try instead to look critically at where you can improve, then set goals to put plans into action.
Final thoughts
You are what your record says you are today, and that’s OK! If you are not happy with your grades, your sport skills, or any other part of your life, use the information about where you are today so that you can set appropriate goals for the future. When we lie, avoid, or exaggerate, we postpone efforts that can lead to self-improvement, making it really important to be honest. Future success depends on knowing what needs attention, and then developing steps that will lead to improved results!
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