Some people today scoff at kids and criticize how “soft” they have become, especially with youth sports. Personally, I do not think that kids have fundamentally changed, but the things around them certainly have (for example, omnipresent technology is a new distraction compared to previous generations). Additionally, we as adults have learned a lot about mental health and physical safety over the years, and have changed the ways that we have kids practice and train (i.e. keeping water always available, and protecting as best we can against concussions). All of this leaves coaches trying to figure out how to best coach kids today, including how to implement team rules, and consequences for breaking rules. Can a coach still yell at a kid, or make a kid who’s goofing off run a lap? If a coach holds a kid out of a game because the kid has not attended recent practices, do we now assume the coach caused a mental health issue with the kid? These are becoming common conversations in my office, and worth a moment of your time to process as well.
A different playing field for coaches today…
Ask any coach and they will tell you that a big part of successful coaching is being able to keep your team accountable. Specifically in youth sports, being able to get the buy-in on team rules – including academics and social behavior – really helps with on-field success, building a winning team culture, and creating healthy school and community spirit around the team. Accountability, however, is difficult to establish when the coach is intimidated and afraid to hold kids accountable for fear that the coach may experience his or her own penalty as a result. For example, if a coach decides to sit a kid who has not been attending practices because she has been playing a second sport concurrently, will that coach hear from his or her athletic director about it? Will the coach face his or her own reprimand from the school, or be left on an island talking to the child’s parents in defense of his or her coaching decision (and without the school’s support)? When coaches fear these kinds of situations might occur, they back peddle on accountability, sometimes lose their team (chemistry and cohesion), and inevitably lose more games on the field or court. And to make things worse, when coaches feel they do not have school/league support, they don’t usually stick around very long, leaving the school in a constant turnstile trying to attract and keep coaches!
Compare all of that to a healthier athletic situation, one where the coach is empowered to actually coach! This means the coach may raise her voice sometimes, call kids out when they don’t hustle, hold kids accountable when they miss practices, and prompt kids to do jumping jacks or run a lap when they are being a distraction to the team. When coaches do these kinds of things, it does not mean they don’t like your kid, but instead says that the coach is serious about helping kids learn, grow, and mature through his or her team, and that minimal expectations and discipline come with such a coaching philosophy. Unfortunately, too many coaches today feel stuck, not knowing exactly how they can coach and what discipline they can use when needed. Even things like basic accountability to practices and games is different today, as increasingly more kids play multiple sports, often leaving the coach (and his or her team) in a real pinch when they choose one sport over the other. Can a coach still react to this and provide playing time to the kids who are there, or will the coach likely face his own discipline for having such a stance?!
Great coaches run great programs that greatly contribute to the overall success of a school and community! Unfortunately, when we strip coaches of the ability to properly coach a team — including measures to address accountability and discipline — we take away all of the good that the coach can do for individual kids, teams, the school, and community at-large. Coaches, like parents and teachers, need the tools necessary to help bring out the best in kids!
Final thoughts
When we examine how regularly we see coaches today walking on eggshells trying to balance appropriate accountability with increasingly more hypersensitivity around holding kids accountable, we begin to see trends emerge — including kids not being held responsible for their actions, and the problems that follow if left unaddressed. This does not mean coaches should be allowed to physically grab kids or do other similar aggressive acts, but coaches should be able to uphold consistent standards, and if they raise their voices once in awhile that’s OK, too.
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