It wasn’t that long ago that kids (and their parents) were in synchrony with youth and interscholastic coaches, and embraced the basic assumptions that kids were held to with sport participation. Actively attend almost all practices, fully commit to your team, refrain from getting in trouble, and of course, keep up your grades! While some parents still adhere to these general expectations, others do not, leading to a paradigm shift in youth sports. As general assumptions about youth sports change, increasingly more kids are caught up in the confusion, not fully aware of basic expectations many coaches still have today.
Getting back to the basics
Until recent years, almost everyone agreed on the basics relating to youth and interscholastic sports. Upon voluntarily signing up for a team, kids were expected to:
- Attend practices. While previous generations of student athletes prioritized practices and only missed because of illness or another similarly serious situation, we see more kids today make casual decisions about where and how they spend their time. It is not uncommon for kids to miss practice because they aren’t feeling their best, are tired from being up late the night before, or simply choose to attend another sport team practice instead. Even worse, often the coach is not even made aware that the kid will not be at practice, adding to the frustration and confusion. While kids may not make every practice, if you don’t think your child can make most practices it might not be a wise use of your time to sign up for the team.
- Fully commit to the team. Another more recent trend is for kids to sign up for 2-3 teams at the same time, resulting in only partial commitments to each team. While you might not think this is a big deal, I encourage you to consider the coach and other kids on the team, and how team chemistry, expectations, and rules are impacted with lax participation. How can a coach hold kids accountable when kids only attend when they feel like it? When it comes to playing time, how do you feel about kids who rarely come to practice that still play more than kids who are fully committed to the team?
- Make responsible decisions. Student athletes have always been viewed as role models for the ways in which they carry themselves, as well as the decisions that they make. While some kids still embrace responsibility, there are kids who minimize the privilege of being a student athlete and importance of their choices — especially with social media and ill-advised, controversial posts.
- Keep a positive attitude. Sports are about enthusiasm! Kids need to be regularly reminded that they control their attitude, and that a positive attitude greatly helps the overall culture and success of a team. Parents can model the importance of a positive attitude by being open, optimistic, and supportive, and encourage their kids to do the same.
- Hustle. Young athletes, regardless of talent, were always expected to hustle. These days, however, we often see kids sluggishly walk on to the field, experience drifting attention, and sometimes appear to be angered by coaches who expect basic hustle.
What’s not cool…
The short list above outlines basic expectations, but what are the new trends that aren’t so great? Below are a few concerns we regularly discuss at my office:
- Over-scheduling kids. While it is amazing all the opportunities kids have today, there are still only 24 hours in a day. These days I regularly talk to kids that not only play multiple sports at the same time, but they are also actively involved in school clubs, activities, and other related events. As you might imagine something has to give with this kind of a schedule, and what often occurs is the kid only partially commits to all the things he has signed up to do! Over-scheduling can lead to burnout, anxiety, depression, and a host of maladaptive coping behaviors, making it important for parents to develop responsible schedules with their kids.
- Going around the coach. Coaches used to be empowered to make decisions, but these days with social media we see increasingly more parents make their complaints heard loud and clear. In fact, some coaches have been not only run out of town, but had trouble finding work elsewhere because of parents who make it a point to continue to bad mouth the coach.
- Helicopter parents. Constantly hovering over your child’s opportunities and chances for success will brand you as a “helicopter parent,” and even worse are the……
- Lawnmower parents. Why encourage and support your child to overcome adversity when you can simply take care of things yourself? This is the mentality of the lawnmower parent, a type of parent who simply “mows down” all obstacles in front of their child (i.e. reporting issues directly to the superintendent, creating viral social media posts, etc).
Final thoughts
Youth sports can be one of the most exciting and educational opportunities your kid experiences in life, but a great experience only occurs when parents model appropriate behaviors and expectations for kids. Over-booking schedules, missing practices, and going around the coach are examples of things that steal from the youth sport experience, making it important for parents to pay close attention to basic expectations youth sport coaches have for kids. Help your child learn invaluable life skills, develop friendships, and have fun playing sports by doing your part by taking the commitment seriously, and supporting the team at every turn.
drstankovich.com
