By far the #1 reason why sports parents contact their child’s coach is playing time — or more specifically, lack of playing time. Unfortunately, when parents do get to the tipping point of frustration about their kid not playing most go after the coach using all the wrong approaches — often in short-sighted, angry, and confrontational ways! Parents, it doesn’t have to be like this when it comes to playing time as there are a number of things you can do so that you have a positive, constructive, and facilitative conversation with the coach:
- First, realize that many coaches don’t like to talk about playing time, and some even have policies where they clearly state that they won’t have these kinds of discussions.
- Therefore, instead of approaching the coach about “playing time,” ask if you can talk to the coach about your child’s athletic development. You will find that by taking this approach coaches are generally much more open to having a chat.
- Assuming the coach carves out time to talk, make sure you really are going in to learn about the many ways in which your child can improve, and not how he can earn more playing time over the other kids on the team. Ask specific questions, and clarify advice the coach offers that might not be clear to you (i.e. “your kid needs better mental toughness”).
- Never, ever point out other kids and ask why they are playing more than your kid! Doing this will only put the coach on the defense, and it won’t make you many friends with the other families, either.
- At the end of the day, it’s important to let the coach “coach.” While you may not agree with the coach’s decisions, it’s important to realize the following: A) the coach sees all the practices and the various talent levels of the kids on the team, and B) no matter how hard you try you will always see your child through a subjective lens, making it almost impossible to judge his or her abilities against other kids on the team. This does not mean coaches make perfect decisions, nor does it imply sports politics don’t exist. The big point, however, is that most coaches do the best they can when it comes to talent evaluations.
Playing time can be a big deal and can actually lead to a lot of team dissension and infighting if cooler heads don’t prevail. Most coaches dread talking about playing time with parents, mostly because is a losing proposition for them (lets face it, every parent wants their kid to play!).
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