How many times have you coached a game and watched a student athlete lose his or her mental toughness and throw a tantrum after making an on-field mistake? In some cases the player whines to the referee, while in other instances you witness various body contortions, foul language, and sometimes even physical acts of aggression. Rather than maturely handling the situation on the field or court, the player allows the emotions of the negative event to take over and only makes the situation worse.
Of course, lapses in mental toughness happen at all levels of sports, from the pros to youth sports. Sport psychologists also realize it’s very human for kids to feel upset when they make mistakes in sports, but have you ever stopped to think about how kids also have a choice in how they respond to negative situations? In other words, nobody makes a kid cry, complain, or throw tantrums after a missed or blocked shot, errant pass, or lapse on defense. In fact, when kids choose to act out in irresponsible ways, it not only impacts play on the field, but also team dynamics, momentum, and quite possibly the immediate future if the kid is thrown out from the game or suspended for doing something dumb like punching an opponent. The good news is that none of this has to occur, and coaches who are on-board with teaching student athletes better and more effective coping strategies have the best chance for kids to learn and master these skills.
It’s OK to get upset…
I always tell kids it’s OK to feel upset when you mess up in sports, and that it’s actually quite normal to feel frustrated in the moment of the mistake. The emotions they feel are very real, the problem becomes when they fail to re-direct the energy into facilitative, learning opportunities rather than simply acting out. For example, here are three basketball scenarios that could have been quickly corrected and allowed the athlete to learn from the experience:
- Rather than crying at the referee for calling a foul, simply clap hands and yell out “lets go” by inspiring teammates to pick it up
- Instead of making a scene when being replaced by a teammate on the court because of a coaching decision, try to give the teammate a high-five and encourage him or her to help the team
- After a missed foul shot instead of becoming upset, pause for a moment, breathe, and visualize the next shot going through the basket perfectly
While it may not be easy to control emotions in sports, it is very well worth the effort if the student athlete wants to reach his or her full athletic potential. Remind kids that it’s also not easy lifting weights, running, doing drills, tackling, and playing defense — but they do these things in order to play their best. Kids often rise to the levels we adults expect them to, so be sure to “raise the bar” with your expectations by teaching them how to respond in positive and healthy ways to stress and adversity.
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