So, you’re a sports parent, what minimal expectations should you assume as your child participates in youth and interscholastic sports? This is a subject that is discussed increasingly more often at my office, with some parents feeling like expectations are overwhelming for kids, while other parents are surprised at the decline in basic accountability and responsibility expected from kids. While coaching standards and approaches have changed over the years (i.e. the authoritarian, no-nonsense coach has been slowly replaced by more authoritative “teacher-coaches” today), basic expectations have not changed. With so many kids struggling with mental health issues today, sport participation provides a means to help kids move their bodies, feel good about themselves, and connect with friends — all healthy stuff! This week we dive into the expectations for sports families, and how you can get on the same page with your child’s coach to create an optimal sport experience for kids.
Basic expectations for kids in sports
Listed below are ideas to consider when talking to your child about basic commitments for youth and interscholastic sports:
- 90% participation or greater. These days kids sign up for 2 and 3 sports at the same time, and while this might sound great, it can create a host of problems, too. When your child is spread so thin that he or she can only make a fraction of the games and practices, it might be a sign that you are overdoing it. Similar to other non-sport school clubs and activities, if your child cannot commit to at least 90% of team expectations, you might want to reconsider playing on that team.
- Accountability for your actions. Kids need to be accountable for staying out of trouble, keeping their bodies in shape, and meeting off-season expectations. Additionally, coaches expect that your child will be on time and ready to go, and own their mistakes when they occur.
- Accept being coached, including discipline. While it seems like hundreds of years ago since we last saw a coach make a kid take a lap for disciplinary reasons, it is important to trust the coach to use measures to control kids when needed. While coaches should never physically or mentally harm a kid, coaches should be able to raise their voice when needed, or ask a kid to complete a disciplinary task when the kid has been unruly. If team rules are not enforced, coaches have little leverage they can use to help student athletes grow as athletes and people.
- Meet all minimum requirements. School sports have minimum requirements relating to grades and social conduct in order to participate on a team. Kids need to be fully aware of these standards, as well as provided support to help them reach basic benchmarks.
- Communicate about absences. If your child is going to miss a practice or game (or even be late), it is the responsibility of the student athlete and/or parents to convey this message to the coach (and in a timely manner). When families fail to communicate, the team is usually left in a pinch not having enough kids to play.
- Attitude and hustle. every kid, regardless of talent, can attend practices and games with a great attitude and ready to hustle! The good news is by having a great attitude and hustling, your child will earn more playing time as a result.
Please note that none of the tips above are designed to be punitive! In order for kids to maximize the sport experience and enjoy better mental health, accountability and other basic expectations need to be in place. On the other hand, teams that adhere to these ideas generally enjoy an exciting, successful, growth-oriented experience that helps kids as much off the field as on the field!
Final thoughts
Many sport parents aren’t sure what to do when it comes to youth and school sports today, and there is a lot of confusion as a result. Coaches, on the other hand, are equally perplexed when basic assumptions from previous generations (i.e. attending almost all practices and games) seem to be lost on today’s generation. When coaches and parents are not on the same page, kids lose! It is for this reason that revisiting general sport expectations is a good move for families, and invites healthy conversations at home.
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