“Hey ref, you SUCK!!!”
If you have ever been to an athletic event it’s quite likely you have heard something like the above directed at a sports official, or maybe heard (or observed) something even worse. Being a sports official is no easy job, and it takes a lot for officials to absorb fan abuse while trying to fairly officiate our youth sport games. Sport officials, by and large, expect to get some ribbing during the game as they make subjective calls on the field, but often today we see coaches and kids putting too much blame on officials, and not enough effort on developing their own human coping resiliency. The reality is that referees are going to make bad calls, as even professional officials make mistakes. The challenge, therefore, is not to scream obscenities when officials make a human error, but to instead learn how to stay positive in these moments so that you can quickly rebound and get back to playing at a high level again.
A better way to handle adversity
It is important for kids to understand and accept that sport officials and referees will make bad calls over the course of a game. Often these officials are trying their best to get it right, but may not have had the right angle, or perhaps they were a half-step slow in getting to the best place on the field to make the proper call. Again, professional sport officials make these same mistakes. When a bad call is made, coaches can model for kids the best way to handle the situation — and that is not to yell and berate the official.
Coaches need to teach kids that not only will bad calls be made from time-to-time, but that the energy kids (and coaches) waste on losing their emotions in those moments could have been redirected toward future on-field success, rather than on a call that is not going to be over-turned. Furthermore, when kids (and coaches) fail to control their emotions, they risk being thrown out of the game — or worse, being suspended for a chunk of the foreseeable future! Why experience all of that, when learning how to handle adversity can help you avoid compounding issues, and allow you to quickly get back in the game and play hard?
Since we know bad calls are a part of the sport experience, why not teach kids the following ways to better handle distress:
- Set reasonable expectations and remind kids that sport officials are not perfect. Often youth games are under-staffed when it comes to officials, and interscholastic and youth sport officials receive a fraction of the training professional officials do. In other words, they are doing their best, but won’t be perfect!
- It’s OK to get upset, but control your emotions. Yes, you can become upset when a bad call is made, but refrain from yelling profanities, attempting to embarrass the official, or do anything that can become potentially dangerous (i.e. throwing something on the field, or making physical threats). Instead, find a place away from the field to work your mind to a better place so that you can focus on the only thing that matters — the next play.
- Focus on what you control! Teach kids that they do control pre-game preparation, keeping a great attitude, hustling, and playing hard. What they don’t control is officiating the game, so why waste energy on something you can’t control??
- Don’t lose energy where you don’t have to. Sports are tough enough even on your best day, so why waste energy unnecessarily getting worked up over officials? Just think, with every scream and body contortion in reaction to a bad call, it is that much less energy left over to make that next great play, or earn that extra yard.
- Pride yourself on respecting the game. When we allow our emotions to take over, we not only look foolish, but we rob kids from having an amazing youth sport experience. Respect what officials do, and how it is their role in youth sports that allows our kids to play fair games.
Final thoughts
Learning how to deal with adversity is arguably the biggest single variable relating to future athletic (and life!) success. When we understand that mistakes will happen and that we can cope successfully in those moments, only then do we begin to experience our full human potential. Yelling out at officials won’t help you on the next play, but it can take you off your game and leave you unprepared for the rest of the game. Help kids understand this point, and model for them ways in which they can effectively cope in tough moments on the field.
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